today calls for:
walks in the rain
big nest like hair
possibly hanging out with a boy from my poetry class
my last bowl
new pack of menthols
watching Margot play
and too much math homework














last night Sarah, this lovely girl with dreads and tree limbs, and Jackie, an awesome girl with great tattoos and glasses, came over. we smoked zongs and bowls and a few orange hookahs. Jackie shared her tall cans of beer and we half watched things online and talked happily. After they left Alicia and I ate ice cream and enjoyed Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Later, the words of Huxley, of Brave New World lulled me to sleep.

Alex was here this last weekend. it was interesting and strange and nice. there was a ghostly terribly beautiful snow storm on Alex's way up here. he didn't arrive till after 8pm. i bought whiskey so it was waiting for him-so we took shots. around 10pm we ventured out to Beth's birthday party. Beth is terribly cute with naturally red hair and a lovely voice. it was a lovely beautiful sight seeing all the snow but a bit scary. we arrived and opted for a safer parking space and walked a block or so to the party. the snow was like this beautiful abandonment. we arrived at a yellow house and was welcomed in. girls sitting on couches with their knees pulled close to their chests. a boy with bright blood nest of curls introduced himself to me and blinked his half open blue eyes. games of beer bong were int he kitchen and down stairs was for smoking. we drank whiskey from the bottle and tired to play word games with drunk boys. we went up stairs and saw beth, sarah, jackie, and her girl friend.

the living room had grown into one big heart. everyone danced and swayed and hopped around. after a few more swigs i joined the mechanism. i felt perfect. i smiled at Alex across the room and Alicia outside smoking a cigarette in the snow.

later we giggled with Beth and she kept saying how she was so happy to see us. i met another girl with red hair who looked like a movie star and begged to get in a fist fight while she laughed. another girl came up to me and called me "goddamn beautiful" and kissed my hand. a boy with long brown hair packed a bowl and i gave Beth shotguns.

we left shortly after giggling and so drunk and happy. alex and alicia holding me on both sides as i giggled. we stopped at a grocery store to buy beer and stopped to stare at the falling snow. we went home and fell down snow hills. alicia lost her key and i had left mine at home. alex had to break a window for us to break in. but we didn't care! nothing could break our spirits!

things are good. things are nice! things are great!

the goings on of my life lately:





now in words:

falling onto beds, red wine, lovely back porch conversations, too many free ciggies, scrabble games, the art of a Friday night, beach trips, driving in the dark, feet out windows, smoking blunts in an abondon boat, long walks to lost gas stations, stumbly steps, falling into ditches, get locked out of houses, laughing so hard, you four just getting me getting me getting me, CocoRosie, hummus, mancala, catching waves, surf shops, the feeling of fall soon approaching, strange boys, rides home in the dark just us, TV shows on DVD, clean room, bed, bed, bed, sleep, sleep, sleep, feeling alive, writing short stories, confusion, moving to the mountains in 3 months, buying baby goats, bee hives, too much homework, and dreaming of what is to come.





PS: RIP MY DEAR FAVORITE FATHER&SON SUNGLASSES (DEATH: BEING CRAMMED INTO MY PURSE + MY SCHOOL BOOKS!)!

Zombie Girl










my bones feel weak and i am a walking zombie! one that eats off Alex's kisses, sunny days, and 70 degree weather with a hint of a breeze. my days have been filled with The Beatles speaking my heart in words words words, beaut friends who just fill me with some much(!), cheap beer, board games, lost trolleys, streets, summer dresses, runs and walks while the sun hides behind trees and roof tops, Arizona fruit punch, snow bubble tea, darkened restaurants, peaking into expensive apartments pretending we're sleeping on the bed and watching TV in the living room with our shoes off, pretending i know how to write poems and stories, wishing i were Coraline, waiting for Spring break, jonesing for my pajama party on friday, picnics on Saturday, and kickball games on Sunday. "Let's run away! Together arm in arm," i long to tell him under sheets, "I'll drive and keep within the lines, you'll sleep all day and at night we'll stop and kiss under the stars--we'll be the same people in different states but with the same stars above--we can trade names and accents and never grow up! You won't have to be assistant manager and i won't have to pretend to be a good student! Let's go please!" but my words are lost as my alarm clock hits 6:30AM.

Some silly words i strung together that created nothing much:

Kittens

We sleep on the new rug like cats
And wake up with bites going up and down our arms
Perhaps flea bites
Or maybe from our own mouths
Love bits, that should be covered with 5.00 dollars make up
From CVS where all the mothers go while their children are at school
To yell at the balding lady that they have been waiting for 10 minutes to pick up
Their sleeping medicine
And we all watch as she walks away

MAXED UP WITH STRESS! I FEEL STRANGE, TRIED, OUT OF IT, BORED BORED BORED! SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM!







i miss Alex, i miss Alex, i miss Alex. i say this to him everyday over telephone wires and loud music, "i miss you, i miss you." i spend my days at school, wanting to be home in bed with him or exploring street corners and random dives, unable to hold information in my mixed up ++ upside down head/brain/cranium! my grades are up! then down! i just need time to breath--any time I find myself sleeping or doing something other than concentrating on school I'm feel gulity. pressure pressure pressure to do well. i don't want to fail.

let's go bowling! let's go see films! let's go buy shit! i lust lust lust for knickknacks for the house, clothing, delicious healthy food, gifts for my babylovebugz, a hair cut, flowers, and time time time! i repeat in threes.

i think i need to stop smoking so much hookah and Maryjane & i think i need my lovely friends in my life more.

I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND BECAUSE;
-he came home with 3 surprises: he got me 3 hello kitty watches from McDonald's & he just bought the watches and didn't get food or anything.
-he held my hand all morning long in court
-he's taking me to the park today & to get Popsicle
-he told me how he was of me proud and that i was so brave
-he is always there for me
-he lets me call him redic names such as babylovebugz!
-we watch It's always Sunny in Philadelphia all day errrrday!
-and numerous of other things but the sun is calling my name and the blue sky is ready to eat me up whole!


oh man Alejandro Sanchez you got my heart goin CRAZY with love!

PS: it's fucking February and i get to wear this [!] :

days days days : daze daze daze

summer air, spring wind, winter month, Pullen Park, Whole Foods picnic, burritos and mini cupcakes, beaut friend, Popsicle, windows down, hungry trees eating blue sky, stuck in branches, arms arching to climb, children's stories, adult conversations, court woes, homework done, roman history llullaby, open windows, fans on high, Jack in the Box, films, mellowing, hookahing, valentines day tomorrow, Coraline 3D, gas station food, rosary bead eyes.

oh AND! PS/BTW! ily ily ily ily:


rock of love girlz.

at the moment i am attempting to write a paper for my Sociology of the Family class but am failing miserably and terribly. the people upstairs are playing terrible music and sound as though they are skate boarding across their floor. i hear cars passing by outside and am banking on finding a rides to Sean's house, hopefully. my favorite film is playing on the television, coals are being made for a hookah, and droopy is sleeping nearby. life is lovely. however, i am jonesing for the road, to attempt to dance at the Streetlight show, sunny days, slushies, art museums, Cup a Joe chocolate milk and/or coffee, fresh air & cool breeze, tan arms and legs, and all these lovely things i have found!












for alex's side of the bed:


for mine:


must get many of these to put around my room: